Nine Tales for Children

Karel Čapek

plus one additional tale by Josef Čapek

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The Great Cat's Tale

1 - How the King Bought a Cat

In the land of the Tashkars there reigned a king, and we can safely say he was a happy king as, whenever it was needed, all his subjects did as he told them, and they did it gladly and they did it with love. There was only one person who sometimes didn't do as he told her and that was his little daughter, the young princess.

He often told her she shouldn't play with her ball on the steps of the castle, but it made no difference! As soon as her nanny dozed off for a little while the princess would be out on the castle steps with her ball, and one day - maybe God wanted to punish her or a demon put her foot in the wrong place - there she fell and hurt her knee. She sat on the steps and cried, and if she hadn't been a princess I would say she was screaming like a banshee. So I don't need to tell you that the ladies of the court soon came out with water in crystal basins and ran to the princess with bandages of silk, ten of the royal doctors ran out and three of the royal chaplains, but none of them could take away the pain in the princess's knee.

Just then an old woman shuffled by, and when she saw the princess sitting on the steps and crying she knelt down in front of her and gently said: "Oh, don't cry princess. What if I bring you a beast that has eyes of emerald but no-one will steal them; whiskers like this, but not like a man's; fur that sparkles, but which never burns; feet made of silk, but not used for walking; and in its pockets it has sixteen little knives, but it doesn't cut meat with them? Would you stop crying then?"

The princess looked back at the old woman, one wise little eye still had tears in it, but the other one was already laughing. "But there's no such animal anywhere in the world," she said.

"But there is," said the old woman, "and if His Majesty gives me what I ask for I'll bring it to you straight away." And when she had said that she limped slowly away.

The princess remained sitting on the castle steps but she had stopped crying; she was thinking about what sort of animal that could possibly be. And then she was sorry that she didn't have it, that the old woman wouldn't bring her anything, and then she started to cry once again. It just happened that the king was looking out the window during all of this because he had wanted to see why the princess was cryng so loudly, so he saw and heard everything that happened. When he saw how nicely the old woman had calmed the princess down he sat back down on his throne among all his ministers and advisors, but he couldn't get this animal out of his thoughts. "Eyes of emerald," he repeated to himself, "but no-one will steal them; whiskers like this, but not like a man's; fur that sparkles, but which never burns; feet made of silk, but not used for walking; and in its pockets it has sixteen little knives, but it doesn't cut meat with them; what could that be?" When the ministers saw how the king kept muttering to himself, shaking his head and moving his hand under his nose as if outlining an enormous moustache they couldn't understand what was happening with him, and eventually the king's ancient chancellor asked him directly.

"I've been trying to think what sort of animal that could be," said the king: eyes of emerald but no-one will steal them; whiskers like this, but not like a man's; fur that sparkles, but which never burns; feet made of silk, but not used for walking; and in its pockets it has sixteen little knives, but it doesn't cut meat with them. What sort of animal is that?"

Then the king's ministers and the king's advisors sat back down, they shook their heads and waved their hands under their noses as if outlining an enormous moustache, but none of them could guess what sort of animal that could be. Finally the ancient chancellor spoke for all of them, and he said the same as the princess had to the old woman: "But there's no such animal anywhere in the world!" he said.

The king, however, wouldn't listen to him and sent his fastest messenger to find the old woman. The messenger flew off on his horse, he galloped till the sparks flew from the hooves, and when he reached the cottage he found the old woman sitting in front of it. "I come from the king," said the messenger. "He must have that animal."

"And he will have what he wants," said the old woman, "if he gives me what I want for it. Find the hat that goes on the head of the king's mother, count how many pieces of the very best silver will fit under it; that's how many taler he must give me for this animal."

The messenger flew back to the palace, so fast that the dust from his horses hooves reached up to the sky. "Your Majesty," he reported, "the old woman will bring you the animal. She says you must find the hat that goes on the head of your mother, count how many pieces of the very best silver will fit under it; that's how many taler you must give her for this animal."

That doesn't sound like much, thought the king to himself, and he swore an oath to himself that that was what he would give the old woman. And then he went to find his mother. "Mother," he said, "I'm expecting a visit. Wear that nice little cap of yours, the smallest one you have that covers no more than a few strands of your hair." And his aged mother did as he wanted.

So the old woman came to the palace, carrying on her back a basket wrapped neatly round in a cloth. In the grand hall of the palace the king, his mother and the little princess were all waiting for her; even all the ministers, secret advisors, chiefs of staff and the prime-minister were waiting, hardly able to breathe for curiosity. Slowly, the old woman unwrapped the cloth; the king himself stepped down from his throne so that he could see this animal close up. At last, the old woman pulled the cloth away, and from the basket out stepped a black cat who made one nimble leap and sat up on the throne.

"But you've cheated us," the king called out in disapointment, it's just a cat!"

The woman put her hands on her hips and retorted: "I've cheated you? Just look!" She pointed to the cat sitting on the throne, its eyes shining as green as the most beautiful emerald. "Aren't its eyes of emerald. And no-one's going to steal them from her, Your Majesty. And it has whiskers, too, but they're not a man's whiskers."

"But," objected the king, "its fur is black, not sparkling."

"Just look at this," the old woman objected, and she stroked the cat up the wrong way. There was indeed the crackling sound of little electric sparks. "And it has feet of silk," the old woman continued. "Not even the little princess, barefoot and on tiptoe, could walk about more quietly."

"Alright then," the king conceded, "but it hasn't got any pockets, let alone sixteen little knives in them."

"In its paws it has little pockets," said the woman, "and in each of them there is a claw as sharp as a knife. If Your Majesty doesn't believe there are sixteen of them, just count them."

So, with a nod, the king told his ancient chancellor to go and count the cat's claws. The chancellor leant over the cat and caught it by a foot so that he could start counting; but the cat merely hissed and scratched him just under the eye.

The chancellor stood up again, held his eye and said: "My eyesight has become weak, Your Majesty, but I think there are many claws here. About four of them I'm quite certain."

Then the king nodded to his first chamberlain to tell him to count the cat's claws. The chamberlain took hold of the cat so that he could start counting but he immediately stood up again, very red in the face and holding his nose and said: "I think there are twelve of them altogether, Your Majesty. I've counted eight, four on each side."

Then the king nodded to his prime-minister, telling him to count the cat's claws, but no sooner had this honorable gentleman bent over the cat than he stood up again, rubbing the scratches on his chin and said: "There are indeed exactly sixteen claws, Your Majesty. I've just counted the last four."

"There's no choice then," said the king with a sigh. "I'm going to have to buy this cat. But you, old woman, are a rogue." There was nothing for the king to do but put the silver talers down on the table, then he took the littlest cap, the littlest one she had, from his mother's head and laid them over the money. The cap was so small that all that would fit under it was exactly five talers.

"There you are, then, five talers," said the king. "Now be gone and God be with you." And the king was glad the old woman hadn't cost him much money.

But the old woman shook her head and said: "That's not what we agreed, Your Majesty. You must find the hat that goes on the head of your mother, count how many pieces of the very best silver will fit under it; and that's how many taler you must give me."

"But you can see," the king objected; "under my mother's hat you can fit exactly five talers of the very best silver."

The woman took the cap in her hand, stroked it a couple of times, turned it round, and said: "Your Majesty, I think the best silver in the world is the silver hair on your mother's head."

The king looked at the old woman, looked at his mother, and said quietly: "You're quite right."

Then the old woman placed the cap daintily onto the head of the king's mother, stroked her white hair and said: "And now, Your Majesty, pay me as many talers as there are silver hairs under the cap on your mother's head."

The king was shocked, the king scowled, the king finally smiled and said: "You, old woman, you are indeed a complete rogue!"

Now, children, a promise is a promise, and so the king had to pay the old woman what she had said. He asked his mother to sit down and his chief accountant had to count how many of her silver hairs would fit underneath that hat. The accountant counted and counted, and the king's mother kept very, very still and then - do you know what? - old people like to sleep and it's very easy for them to doze off. In short, the king's mother fell asleep.

While she was asleep, the chief accountant counted hair after hair; and when he had just counted one thousand hairs he must have pulled on one of those silver hairs a little harder, as just then the king's mother woke up.

"Ow!" she cried. "Why have you woken me up? I was having such a vivid dream; I dreamed that the next king of our country had just crossed its border."

The old woman seemed surprised when she heard this. "That's very odd," she exclaimed, "it's today that my grandson is coming to live with me, and he's coming from abroad."

But the king didn't listen to her and called: "Where from, mother, where is the next king of our country coming from, what royal court?"

"I don't know," said the king's mother, "because you've just woken me up."

Meanwhile, the chief accountant counted on and the king's mother fell asleep once again. The accountant counted and counted and counted up to two thousand, and then his hand slipped again and he pulled hard on one of those silver hairs.

"Oh be careful," shouted the king's mother, "why have you woken me up? I was just dreaming that the next king will be brought here by none other than this black cat."

"No mother," said the king in surprise, "that can't be right. Whoever heard of a cat bringing a person into a house?"

"But that's what's going to happen," said the king's mother, "and now let me sleep."

The king's mother went back to sleep and the king's accountant went back to his counting. When he had counted up to three thousand his hand shook as he counted the very last hair and, without meaning to, he pulled on it quite hard.

"Oh you are a nuisance," exclaimed the king's mother, "you won't even let an old woman sleep for a little while. I was just dreaming that the next king is arriving here with his entire house."

"Oh but Mama," said the king when he heard this, "forgive me but that can't be right. Who could carry a whole royal castle about with himself?"

"Don't speak too soon, my son," his mother warned him. "You can never tell what might happen."

"Your mother is quite right, Your Majesty," said the old woman nodding her head. "When my late husband was alive, God give him peace in Heaven, a Gypsy once told him, 'One day a cockerel will come along, and peck up your entire farm'. Father thought this was very funny, poor man, and said, 'No, Gypsy woman, that can't be right', just like you, Your Majesty."

"And what then?" asked the king eagerly. "Was the Gyspy right?"

The old woman wiped away a tear. "Well, one day a black cockerel flew into our yard and pecked up everything, it was just as if the place was burned to the ground. Father became like a man without a soul, he kept saying, 'The Gypsy was right, the Gypsy was right!'. It's twenty years, now, that he's been in the hands of God, poor man."

The old woman collapsed into tears; but the king's mother took her in her arms and stroked her face, saying, "Don't cry, please don't cry or you'll make me cry too". The king was quite startled at this, so he hurried to count out his money. He put one taler after another down on the table until he had counted out three thousand, exactly as many as there were silver hairs under the king's mother's hat. "Now then," he said, "here's your money and God bless you; although no-one's going to get rich while you're around."

The old woman laughed - and everyone laughed with her - and started to put the talers into her pocket. But - of course! - her pockets weren't big enough. She had to pile the money into the basket, and then the basket was so full of talers that the old woman couldn't lift it. Two of the king's generals and the king himself helped the old woman to get the basket onto her back, and then she bowed nicely to everyone present, took her leave of the the king's mother and turned to take one last look at her black cat, Jůra. But Jůra was nowhere to be seen. The old woman turned round, called out 'puss, puss, puss', and the cat was nowhere. But there was a pair of tiny feet to be seen just behind the throne, the old woman went there on tiptoe, and there she saw the princess asleep in the corner and on her lap was the very costly cat, Jůra, sleeping and purring. The old woman reached into her pocket and pressed one of those talers into the princess's hand; if she wanted to give her something to remember her by the old woman was badly mistaken, as when the princess woke up and found the cat on her lap and the taler in her hand she picked up the cat and went with it as quickly as she could to spend the money. But maybe the old woman already knew that.

But the princess didn't wake up until long after the old woman had arrived home. She was glad she had so much money, glad she'd left Jůra in good hands, and glad most of all because the coachman was at that moment bringing her grandson, Vašek, from the neighbouring land.

2 - All the Things that Each Cat Knows

Now, you already know that this cat's name was Jůra, but the little princesss called her all sorts of things; Tom-cat and Kitty, Puss-puss and Tibby, Puss-cat and Kitkat and Mog, and from that you can see that she was very fond of her. As soon as she opened her eyes in the morning she would find the cat there on the bed: Jůra would make herself very comfortable there and, although she was actually very lazy, she would purr so that she seemed to be doing something. Then the two of them would wash together, although the cat was, of course, much more thorough about it even if she was using just her tongue and one paw; and then she would stay clean for a very long time, whereas the princess would get every part herself thoroughly dirty in the way that only children know how.

Jůra was a cat just like any other: but she did like to sit and daydream on the royal throne, and other cats aren't normally able to do that. Perhaps she was thinking about her distant relative, the lion, who is the king of all the animals. Or perhaps it only seemed that that was what she was thinking; but if ever a mouse poked his head out from his hole Jůra would have it in one leap, and then she'd proudly take it to the throne and lay it at the king's feet, even if the greatest and most celebrated people were assembled there before him.

One day the king had to pass judgement between two very powerful lords. The two of them stood in front of the steps up to the throne and quarrelled loudly about which of them was right. When they were at their loudest, in came Jůra, laid a mouse she'd caught at their feet and waited proudly to receive their praise. The first of the two lords didn't even notice her, but the second of them quickly bent down to Jůra and stroked her. "Aha," said the king immediately, "this is a just man, as he will say thank-you for any service done to him." And it turned out that the king was quite right.

The king had two dogs living with him in the palace, one of them called Buffo and the other Buffino. The first time they saw Jůra drowsing on the palace steps they looked at each other as if to say: "Hey, that's not one of us." And, as if they had arranged it earlier, they both threw themselves after poor Jůra. The cat merely backed up against the wall and bristled up her tail so that it was as fat as a broom. If Buffo and Buffino had been a little bit cleverer they would have known what a cat means when it bristles up its tail like that; but they were stupid dogs and the first thing they wanted to do was go and sniff at it. Buffo went first, but no sooner had he taken his first sniff than he received such a blow across the nose that he squealed, put his tail between his legs and fled so fast that he was unable to stop for a whole hour and was still shaking two days later.

Buffino was rather taken aback when he saw this, but still he thought he had to play the hero. "Listen to me, you scum," he said to Jůra, "don't you start anything with me, I can bark so loud that even the moon is afraid of me." And to show Jůra how true this was he began to bark so loudly that all the panes in all the windows rattled for a mile all around.

But Jůra didn't even blink, and when Buffino had finished barking she said: "Well, you're not bad at shouting I suppose, but when I hiss even the blood in the veins of snakes will freeze with horror." And then she let out such a horrifying hiss that every hair on Buffino's skin stood up in fear.

Once he had recollected himself a little he began anew: "Oh, well, yes, but there's nothing heroic about hissing you know; just you look at this, look how fast I can run!" And before the cat knew it, he ran all the way round the whole palace so fast that even the palace itself twisted its neck trying to watch him.

Jůra was very impressed by this, but pretended not to be. "Well," she said, "I least I know now how fast you can run away from me; but if someone came at me who was a hundred thousand times stronger than you are, this is how I would run." And with three bounds she was up in the canopy of a very high tree - so high that Buffino became horribly dizzy just looking at it. When he was himself once again he said: "Well a proper dog doesn't climb up trees, you know; but if you really want to know what I can do just watch this: I can smell, I can smell that the queen in the next kingdom is cooking pigeon pie for dinner, and that for lunch tomorrow we will have baked goose."

The cat sniffed as well, although she pretended not to, but she couldn't smell anything at all; she was very impressed indeed at this dog with such a wonderful sense of smell, but she didn't let him see any of this. "Well," she said, "that's nothing compared with my sense of hearing; I can hear, for instance, that our queen has just dropped a needle on the floor, and that in the next kingdom it will strike midday in fifteen minutes' time."

Once again, Buffino was greatly impressed by this, but so that he wouldn't give away just how amazed he was he said: "Tell you what, let's stop barking at each other. Stop being afraid of me and come down from that tree."

"And what makes you think," retorted Jůra, "that I'm afraid of you? But I'll tell you what; stop being afraid of me and climb up to join me in this tree."

"I'd come up there straight away," said Buffino, "but first you'll have to show your friendship by wagging your tail like we dogs do." And at that he started wagging his tail so fast that it swished as it went through the air.

Jůra tried to do the same, she tried and she tried but she somehow couldn't manage it. It just seemed that God had taught that trick to dogs and not to cats! But she didn't want to seem shy, so she climbed down from the tree and walked over to Buffino. "We cats," she said, "when we're not thinking of anything evil, we purr like this. As a sign of friendship for me see if you can do it, just a little bit." So Buffino tried to purr, just a little bit, but he couldn't manage it at all! He produced such an awful growling noise that it made him feel ashamed. "Come with me," he said quickly, "let's stop doing this and go down to the gates where we can bark at the people going past; that's wonderful fun!"

"I think," objected Jůra gently, "that I simply wouldn't be able to do that; but if you've nothing against it let's go and sit on the edge of the roof and look down on everything from nice and high up."

"Forgive me," said Buffino in confusion, "but when I'm high up it always makes me so dizzy. The best thing would be if we went and chased hares together."

"I wouldn't be able to chase after hares," said the cat, "I haven't got legs like yours. But if you come with me I'll show you a tree where we can catch birds together."

Buffino thought about this for a while, and finally he said sadly, "Jůra, listen, I don't think this would work together. Tell you what, I'll stay as a dog in the woods and the streets, and you can stay as a cat in the trees and on the roof, but here in the palace and in the court and in the garden we won't be cat and dog; we'll be two friends."

And that's just what happened. The two of them became so used to each other that they even learned each other's tricks; Jůra learned how to run after the princess like a dog, and when Buffino saw Jůra place a mouse she'd caught at the king's feet he brought him a bone that he'd found or dug up in the rubbish and laid it triumphantly in front of the throne. Needless to say, he did not receive the same praise for this as the cat did for her mouse.

One time, in the deep of the night, Buffino was asleep in his kennel - and don't forget, children, that a royal dog has a kennel made of cedar and mahogany. He was dreaming that he was chasing after a hare so that his paws twitched even while he was asleep, and then he felt something gently hit his nose. "Uhh?" and he jumped up out of his sleep. "Uhh, what's going on?"

"Pst," whispered a familiar voice, "be quiet." Buffino saw that it was Jůra; Jůra was blacker than the night itself but her clever green eyes shone with excitement through the darkness. "I was sitting on the roof of your kennel", Jůra told him in a whisper, "thinking about lots of things, as I do; and then, well you know how good my hearing is, I heard somebody's footsteps a long way off, over in the king's garden."

"rrrRAf," Buffino shouted.

"Be Quiet!" hissed Jůra. "I think it must be a thief. Know what? Let's go and catch him."

"Ah!" barked the dog in excitement. "Well let's go then." They got up and went together down into the garden.

It was the blackest of black nights. Buffino wanted to run on ahead but couldn't see anything in the dark and every time he put a foot forward he fell over it.

"Jůra," he whispered nervously, "Jůra, I can't see where I'm going!"

"I can see as well by night as I can by day. I'll go in front and you follow me by your sense of smell." So that's what they did.

"Aha," exclaimed Buffino suddenly, "I can smell somebody." With his nose right down on the ground he rushed after the scent as if he could see quite clearly, and Jůra followed after him. "Pst," she whispered after a little while, "I can see him, he's right in front of you."

"Aha," shouted Buffino loudly, "hrrr, hrrr, at him, thrrrrrow yourself at him! Ha, ha, got you lad, ha, rrrrascal, ha, brrrrigand, you rrrrobberr, ha, ha! Choke him, hit him, squash him, thump him, thrrrow yourself at him, grrrrrrrrrrrasp him and rrrrrrrrrip him apart! Ha! Ha! Ha!

When the thief heard this he was terrifed and began to run away. Buffino went after him, bit his leg, tore his trousers, jumped between his legs to knock him down and then even bit his ear. The thief somehow managed to jump away and rushed in terror up a tree. But then it was Jůra's turn to strike: she climbed up after him, leapt at the back of his head and clawed and bit and scratched and tore as fiercely as she was able, all the while spitting "pff" and hissing "I'll sssssssscratchch you and asssssault you, cut your nose, cursssse you, cut your ssssskin and ssssssssection you and ssssever you in sssixxxxty-ssssseven pieccessss."

"Ha," barked Buffino from below, "thump him, hit him, kill him, bash him, bite him, throw him down, bind him, scratch him, now, don't let him go!"

"I give in," shouted the thief, frightened to death, and he fell down out of the tree like a sack, he knelt, lifted his hands to the sky and begged: "Don't kill me, please, I give myself up, for God's sake, just take me wherever you want!"

So they set off back to the palace: Jůra in the front with his tail erect like a sabre, then the thief with his hands raised, and finally Buffino. Half way there they met the watchman with his lamp, as all the noise had woken him up, and he joined in the procession. So in this way Jůra and Buffino brought the thief back to the castle with much grandeur and celebration. Even the king and queen woke up and looked down from the window at what was happening. Only the princess stayed asleep through it all, and perhaps would even have slept through breakfast if Jùra, just like every morning, hadn't come to make herself comfortable on her bed with a face so sweet and innocent as if nothing had happened during the night at all.

Jůra was able to do many different things, but if I told you about all of them this story would never come to an end, so I'll just say that she would sometimes catch fish in the stream with her paw, she liked to eat cucumber salad, she caught birds even though she wasn't allowed to and all the time looked as innocent as an angel, and she looked so charming when she played that you could sit and watch her all day. And if you want to learn more about Jůra, then all you need to do is look lovingly at any cat; every cat has a piece of Jůra in her, and every cat has a thousand gay and charming tricks which she doesn't hide from anyone who doesn't harm her.

3 - How the Detectives Pursued the Magician.

While we're talking about all the things a cat can do there's one more thing we ought to mention. The princess had heard somewhere that when a puss-cat falls from a height she will always land on her feet and never come to any harm. So one day, she picked up Jůra, climbed up to the attic and, to find out if this was true, threw Jůra out the window from a terrible height. She quickly looked down to see if her pet really would land on her feet; but Jůra didn't land on her feet because she fell onto the head of a gentleman who, at that moment, was passing by in the street below. Maybe, when she fell, Jůra pressed her claws into the man's head or did something else that made him cross - in short he didn't simply let the cat stay there sat on his head like the princess thought he should have done, instead he pulled the cat down, shoved her in under his coat and walked quickly on.

In tears, the princess ran down from the attic and went straight to the king. "Boo hoo-ooo," she cried, "a man went by in the street and he's stolen Jů-hůhůůra!"

When the king heard this he was shocked. There are plenty of cats, he thought to himself, but this cat is supposed to bring us the next king. I'd really rather not lose this cat.

He immediately summoned his chief of police and told him all about it. "Someone's stolen our black cat, Jůra," he said, "put her under his coat and carried her away."

The chief of police frowned, thought about the matter for half an hour, and then he said: "Your majesty, with the help of God, the secret police and general police, all the army, artillery, navy, fire brigade, submarines and airships, fortune tellers and all the rest of the population, I will find this cat ."

The chief of police immediately had his best detectives summoned. Now, children, a detective is somebody who works for the secret police and who dresses just like ordinary people except that he is always disguised as something else so that nobody knows who he is. And a detective finds everything, discovers everything, chases down everyone, learns about everything and is afraid of nothing. So you can see, it's not easy to be a detective.

So, the chief of police immediately summoned his best detectives. They were three brothers, Nosey, Beenthere, and Knowall;and there were also the sly Italian, Signor Grissi, the fat and jolly Hollander, Mynheer Rollaboet, the enormous Slav, Laienlaiský and the scowling, bad-tempered Scot, Mister Neverly. After just five words they knew what it was all about; and that whoever caught the thief would receive a big reward. "Si," exclaimed Grissi.

"Jaa," said the cheerful Rollaboet,

"Mm," grunted Laienlaiský.

"Well," added Neverly curtly.

Nosey, Beenthere, and Knowall simply winked to each other.

Within a quarter of an hour, Nosey had found out that the man with the black cat under his coat had gone down Spálená Street.

Within half an hour Beenthere brought the news that the man with the black cat under his coat had turned up in the district of Prague called Vinohrady.

Within an hour Knowall hurried in with the news that the man with the black cat under his coat was sitting in a restaurant in Strašnice drinking a glass of beer.

Grissi, Rollaboet, Laienlaiský and Neverly jumped into the car they had ready and rushed through the streets of Prague to Strašnice.

"Listen, lads," said Grissi when they got there, "when a you deal with a criminal as a cunning as a this you have a to use a cunning against a him. Let a me deal with this." And all the time the cunning Italian was thinking only of getting the reward for himself.

So he quickly disguised himself as a rope seller and went into the restaurant. There he saw a foreign looking man with black clothes, black hair, black moustache, a pale face and eyes which were beautiful, although they also looked rather sad. "That's him," the detective realised immediately.

"Mister signor caballero," he began to say, "I sell a ropes, beautiful, a strong a ropes, cannot a be broken, cannot a be untied, ropes a like a made of iron." While he was displaying his ropes, setting them out, pulling on them, separating them, uncoiling them, throwing them from hand to hand, in all sorts of different ways, his eyes were flicking to and fro to see where would be the best way to quickly throw a coil of rope around the stranger's hands, pull it tight, and tie him up.

"Don't need rope," said the stranger, and wrote something with his finger on the table.

"Just a you look, signor," Grissi continued to blather, getting more and more excited, throwing rope from hand to hand, pulling on it, uncoiling it quicker and quicker. "Just you look, is firm rope, is strong rope, is slim rope, is strong rope, is white rope, is good rope, is ... is ... - Diavolo," he suddenly cried out in fear, "What is this?" While he had been throwing the rope from hand to hand, pulling on them, setting them out, uncoiling them and tossing them to and fro, his hands were somehow tangling themselves up in them; and all by themselves the ropes twisted and turned, and tightened and tautened, and undid and knotted and all of a sudden (he gaped like a madman) Signor Grissi found that his hands were truly and firmly bound.

Grissi was sweating with the worry of it, but he still thought he could untie himself. He began to stretch and squirm, throw himself from side to side, jump about, hop about and twist, but he was somehow unable to untangle himself from these ropes while all the time he was tangling himself up quicker and quicker: "Look a, look, such a quality, such a strength, such a firm a ness, such a length, such a stretch, such a beauty, such ... Oh my God a, these a ropes!" He twisted and jumped and all the time the ropes got tighter and tighter around him, until, out of breath and bound hand and foot in a criss-cross of tangled ropes and bindings, Signor Grissi fell over onto the floor.

The stranger just sat there. He didn't lift an eyebrow, or even raise his doleful eyes, he just drew something on the table with his finger. Meanwhile, the detectives waiting outside had begun to wonder why Grissi had not come back out. Laienlaiský grunted loudly, and decided to go into the restaurant himself. He saw Grissi tied up and lying on the ground, and the stranger at the table, his head lowered and drawing something on the tablecloth with his finger.

Laienlaiský grunted again.

"And what's that meant to mean?" asked the stranger.

"It means I'm going to arrest you," said Laienlaiský severely.

The stranger merely looked at Laienlaiský with his magically beautiful eyes.

Then Laienlaiský raised his enormous fist, but when he looked into those eyes he somehow wasn't able to do anything. So he put both hands in his pockets and said: "I'd rather you came with me without a fuss. When I arrest someone I break every bone in their body."

"As you like," said the stranger.

"Right then!" the detective continued. "And if I do as much as tap someone on the shoulder it leaves them permanently crippled. 'Laienlaiský', they call me, 'like a lion'."

"Well old man," said the stranger, "that's certainly very nice for you, but strength isn't everything. And if you want to speak to me do you think you could kindly take your hands out of your pockets."

This made Laienslaiský feel slightly ashamed, speaking to the stranger with his hands in his pockets, so he immediately tried to take them out. But, what was happening? He tried and he tried to take his hands out but he couldn't. He tried it with his right hand and it stayed in his pocket as if it had grown roots. He tried it with his left hand and it was as if he were lifting hundred pound weights. Except that Laienlaiský was normally quite able to lift hundred pound weights and although he tried and he tried and he pulled and he tugged and he scowled and he grimaced he still wasn't able to pull his hands out of his pockets.

"This is a bad joke," grumbled Laienlaiský as he struggled helplessly.

"It's not really as bad as you think," said the stranger quietly, and went on drawing on the table with his finger.

While Laienlaiský was struggling and sweating and squirming to get his hands out of his pockets, the detetives were wondering why he didn't come back. "I'm going in there," said Rollaboet as shortly as he was broad, and he went in to the restaurant. He looked round and saw Grissi lying tied up on the floor, Laienlaiský dancing around the chairs like a bear with his hands in his pockets and the stranger behind the table, his head down and doodling on the table with his finger.

"Have you come to arrest me?" the stranger asked before Rollaboet could say a word.

"At your service," called out Rollaboet helpfully as he drew a pair of metal handcuffs from his pocket. "If you wouldn't mind, please be so kind as to put your hands out so that I can put the handcuffs on them, nice cool handcuffs, brand new handcuffs made of the tenderest steel with a lovely reinforced chain, everything of the very best quality." While Rollaboet was making this joke about the handcuffs he jangled them and tossed them from hand to hand to let the magician see them. "Please make your choice," he blathered on gaily, "we don't force anyone, or just a little if people resist; lovely fine bracelets with a patented lock, always a good fit, they never press or squeeze." And here, Rollaboet began to go red and to sweat and to throw the handcuffs quicker and quicker from one hand to the other. "Lovely ha-andcuffs, made specially for the gentleman oh, oh my, from gun metal and ohh, hardened in fire, in the ho-o-ottest o-of fffire ohh, - Oowww!" he suddenly yelled and threw the handcuffs down onto the ground. How could he not have thrown them down, poor man, and how could he not have thrown them from hand to hand? The handcuffs had become white hot and as soon as they hit the ground they burned it so that it nearly burst into flames.

Meanwhile outside, Mr. Neverly was wondering why no-one had come back out. "Well," he said decisively, as he pulled out his revolver and entered the restaurant. He looked round the room full of smoke, Rollaboet was jumping round the chairs in pain and blowing on his hands, Laienlaiský was squirming with his hands in his pockets, Grissi lay tied up on the floor and behind the table, there sat the stranger, his head lowered, and drawing something on the tablecloth with his finger.

"Well," declared Nevrley, and he went straight over to the stranger, revolver in hand. The stranger looked up at him with his sweet and thoughtful eyes. Neverly felt his hands shake under the gaze of these eyes, but he took control of himself and he shot all six rounds from his revolver into the stranger at point blank range and straight between the eyes.

"Have you finished now?" the stranger asked.

"No yet!" Neverly replied. And he pulled out another revolver and shot another six round into the stranger straight between the eyes.

"Finished?" asked the stranger.

"Aye," said Neverly, who then turned on his heel, went to the bench in the corner, and sat there with his arms folded.

"I'd like to pay now, please," the stranger called to the waiter, tapping a coin against his glass. No-one came. As soon as Neverly had fired all those shots the waiters had all hidden themselves on the ground in fear. So the stranger left some money on the table, said goodbye to the detectives and calmly walked out.

At that moment the face of Nosey appeared at one of the windows, at another the face of Beenthere and at the third the face of Knowall. The first to leap into the room was Nosey. "Hallo lads," he said, "where've you got him, then?". And then he started to laugh.

Beenthere jumped in through the second window. "Signor Grissi seems to be rolling about on the floor," he laughed.

Knowall jumped in through the third window. "And Mynheer Rollaboet seems rather sullen."

"I don't think Mister Neverly looks very lion-like," added Nosey.

"And I don't think Laienslaiský seems well greased either," said Beenthere.

Grissi sat down on the floor. "Look a lads," he said in his defence, "it's a no as simple as a you think. That a thief, he tie me up, he no even lay a finger on a me."

"And he made my hands stick fast in my pockets," grumbled Laienlaiský.

"He made my handcuffs red-hot as I held them," complained Rollaboet.

"Well," added Neverly, "that wasn't anything. I shot twelve bullets into him straight between the eyes, and it didn't even scratch him."

Nosey, Beenthere and Knowall looked at each other.

"I think," Nosey began,

"... that this thief ..." Beenthere continued,

"... is actually a magician," Knowall completed.

"But that doesn't matter, lads," began Nosey again, "we've got him in a trap. We've brought a thousand soldiers here with us ..."

"... and had the restaurant surrounded," continued Beenthere,

"... so that not even a mouse could get away," completed Knowall.

At that moment that was a sound like a clap of thunder from outside as the thousand guns outside fired.

"That's the end of him, then," called out all the detectives as if with one voice.

The door flew open and the commander of the thousand soldiers bounded into the room. "Beg to report, sir," he began, "we had the restaurant surrounded and I'd given orders that not even a mouse should be allowed to get away. But just then, a white dove with tender eyes flew out the door and circled round my head."

"Oh," they all exclaimed - with the exception of Neverly, who just said "Well."

"So I got my sabre out and chopped that dove into little bits," the commander continued, "just as all thousand of my soldiers fired on it. The dove was spattered into a thousand pieces in the air. The only trouble is; each of those pieces turned into a white butterfly and flew off. Beg to report, sir; what now?"

Nosey's eyes sparkled. "Right," he ordered, "call all your soldiers together, all the regulars, all the home guard, send them out into every country in the world and go and catch those butterflies."

And that's just what happened. And, just as you'd expect, they created a nice big collection of butterflies which you can still see in the National Museum in Prague. If you're ever in Prague you must go and see it.

But meanwhile, Beenthere said to all the others, "Well lads, there's not much that you can do here now, we'll find some way of sorting things out without you."

So, with sad faces and empty hands, Grissi, Rollaboet, Neverly and Laienlaiský went away.

Nosey, Beenthere and Knowall spent a long time discussing what they should do about the magician. Then they smoked a penn'orth of tobacco, they ate and drank everything they could find in Strašnice, but still they weren't able to think of anything. Finally, Knowall said, "We're getting nowhere like this, lads. Let's go and get some air."

So they went outside, and no sooner had they stepped through the door of the restaurant than who should they see there but the magician. He was just sitting there watching with enormous curiosity to see what they would do.

"Here he is," shouted Nosey with joy, and with one leap he caught the magician by the shoulder. But at that moment the magician changed himself into a snake with shiney, silvery skin and Nosey threw it down on the ground in shock.

Beenthere was there without delay and threw his coat over the snake. But the snake turned itself into a goldfly and crept out through one of the buttonholes in the coat and into God's open air.

Knowall jumped up and caught the goldfly in his hat, but the fly turned itself into a silvery brook and flowed away, flowed away taking the hat with it.

They all ran back into the restaurant to get some glasses so that they could catch the brook in them. But the silvery brook had already flowed away and into the River Vltava. And that's why the River Vltava is still such a lovely, silvery colour today when it's in a good mood: it's in memory of that magician, it swirls around thoughtfully and glitters so much it's enough to make a person's head spin.

Meanwhile, Nosey, Knowall and Beenthere stood on the bank of the river and considered what to do next. Just then a silvery fish poked its head out from the water and looked at them with shining, dark eyes. There was no doubt that these were the eyes of the magician. So the three detectives bought themselves fishing rods and started angling for fish in the Vltava. You can still see them there today as they sit all day long in their boats with their rods, catching fish and never saying a word, and they will never be at peace until they've caught their silvery fish with the deep, dark eyes.

There were many other detectives who tried to find the magician, but all in vain. Whenever they were chasing him in a car there would always be a deer who would stick his head out from the wood and look at them with dark, tender, inquisitive eyes; and whenever they were flying in an aeroplane there would always be an eagle flying behind them who would never take his fierce and haughty eyes off them; and whenever they were sailing in a ship there would always be a dolphin who would swish up from the sea and stare at them with its peaceful and understanding eyes; and whenever they were sitting in their studies thinking, the flowers on the table would always take on an attractive lustre and look at them curiously, or their police dog would suddenly lift his head and look at them in a way they'd never seen before, with beautiful eyes just like a human's. The magician seemed to be watching them from everywhere, he would watch and then disappear again: how could they possibly be able to catch him?

4 - How the Famous Sidney Hall Caught the Magician

Sidney Hall, the famous American detective, read about all of this in the newspaper. He thought about it deeply, and decided he would try and catch the magician himself. So he disguised himself as a millionaire, put his revolver in his pocket and set off for Europe.

When he arrived he went straight to see the chief of police who explained everything to him about how they had been chasing the magician and finished up by saying: "So all this shows that it's quite impossible to get this villain into court."

Sidney Hall laughed: "I'll have him under arrest and brought to you within forty days."

"Impossible!" exclaimed the chief of police.

"Let us make a bet on that; a bowl of pears," said Sidney Hall. Sidney Hall, you see, was especially fond of pears. He was also especially fond of making bets.

"You're on," replied the chief of police. "And now, if you don't mind, how do you intend to catch him?"

"First of all," said Sidney Hall, "I will have to take a trip around the world. And for that I'll need lots of money."

So the chief of police gave him lots of money and then, just to give the impression that he was very clever, he said: "Aha, I can see your plan now. But we'll have to keep everything top-secret, so that the magician doesn't realise we're after him."

"On the contrary," said the detective, "first thing tomorrow, I want you to tell every newspaper in the world that the famous Sidney Hall has devoted himself to catching the magician within forty days. In the meantime, I beg to take my leave of you."

Sidney Hall then went straight to a famous traveller who had already made a journey around the world in fifty days and said: "Let us make a bet that I can make a journey around the world in fifty days."

"Impossible," said the traveller. "Mr. Fox made a journey round the world in eighty days, I did it myself in fifty days, and faster than that it just cannot be done."

"Let us bet a thousand dollars that I can do it," Sidney Hall replied.

So they made the bet.

Sidney Hall set off that very night. A week later a telegram arrived from him from Alexandria in Egypt: "I'm on his track. Sidney Hall."

Seven days later a telegram arrived from Bombay in India: "The noose tightens. All going well. Letter follows. Sidney Hall."

A little later a letter arrived from Bombay - but it was written in a secret code that no-one could understand.

Eight days later a carrier pigeon arrived from Nagasaki, in Japan, with a message attached to its neck saying: "Approaching target. Expect me. Sidney Hall."

Then a dispatch arrived from San Fransisco, in America: "Got flu. All else going well. Get pears ready. Sidney Hall."

On the thirty-ninth day after he had set off, a telegram finally arrived from Amsterdam, in Holland: "Arriving tomorrow evening at seven-fifteen. Get pears ready. Prefer conference pears. Sidney Hall."

On the fortieth day, at seven-fifteen in the evening, the train rattled into the station. Mr. Sidney Hall jumped out and behind him followed the magician, serious, pale and with lowered eyes. All the detectives were waiting at the station and were amazed to see that the magician wasn't even wearing handcuffs, but Sidney Hall just gave them a wave and said: "Wait for me tonight in The Blue Dog. I've just got to take this gentleman to prison." And as he was stepping into a taxi, along with the magician, he remembered something and called back: "Have the pears there for me!"

So that evening there was a bowl of the loveliest pears waiting for Sidney Hall, with all the detectives sitting around it. They had all begun to think he wouldn't come when the door opened and an ancient and decrepit old man came in selling cockles and gherkins.

"We don't want to buy anything, old man," the detectives said to him.

"That is a pity," said the old man, and suddenly he began to shake and cough, rattle and choke, and, wheezing, he sank breathless onto the chair.

"Oh my God!" declared one of the detectives, "he's not going to die on us, is he?"

"No," spluttered the old man as he bent double, "I can't take any more of it!" And then everyone saw that the old man was actually laughing so much he couldn't stop. Tears ran from his eyes, his voice cracked, his face went blue and all he could do was groan. "Children, children, I can't take any more of it!"

"What is it you want from us?" asked the detectives.

The old man stood up, staggered over to the table, took one of the nicest looking pears from the bowl, peeled it and ate it all in one go. Only then did he take off the false chin, false nose, false grey hair and dark glasses and revealed the clean shaven, smiling face of Sidney Hall.

"Don't be cross with me, guys," Sidney Hall apologised, "but I've just had to spend a whole forty days trying not to laugh."

"When did you catch the magician?" asked all the detectives with one voice.

"Not till yesterday," said the famous Sidney Hall, "but I was laughing at the way I was going to have him right from the start."

"And how did you do it?" the detectives persisted.

"Well," said Sidney Hall, "it's a long story. I'll tell you all about it just as soon as I've eaten another of these pears."

Once he had eaten it, this is how he began: "Listen; the first thing I will tell you, gentlemen, is that a proper detective mustn't be a fool". As he said this he looked all around, as if he might find a fool among those present.

"And what then?" the detectives asked.

"What then?" said Sidney Hall. "The second thing is he has to be clever. And the third thing is," he continued as he peeled another pear, "he has to have something between the ears. Do you know how to catch a mouse?"

"With bacon," said the detectives.

"And do you know how to catch a fish?"

"With a worm."

"And do you know how to catch a magician?"

"Don't know"

"The way to catch a magician," said Sidney Hall as if giving them a lesson in school, "is just the same as catching anyone else: you use his own weakness. First of all you have to find out what that weakness is. And do you know what the magician's weakness was?"

"Don't know."

"Curiosity," declared Sidney Hall. "The magician was able to do anything, but he was curious. Terribly curious. But now I have to eat this pear."

Once he had eaten it he continued: "Each of you thought you would be able to get the magician. But the magician got you. He followed behind you and didn't let you out of his sight. He was terribly curious and wanted to know about everything you meant to do against him. Whenever you nearly had him he would twist round behind you, but it was on his curiosity that I built my plan."

"What plan was this?" shouted the detectives, desperate to know more.

"Well, this is how it went. That journey around the world, guys, that was just for pleasure. I've always wanted to travel around the world, but never had the chance till now. But as soon as I got here I knew the magician would always follow behind me to see how I was going to catch him. That's how curious he is. Well now, I thought to myself, I'll lead him all round the world behind me; and at the same time I'll see something of the world and never need to let him out of my sight. That's because he would never let me out of his sight. And so that his curiosity would be even stronger, what I did was, I bet that I could go round the world and catch the magician all within forty days. But now, I shall eat this lovely pear."

When he had finished eating he declared, "There's nothing better than a good pear. So I took my gun and some money, disguised myself as a Swedish businessman and off I went. First I went to Genoa, that's in Italy, you know, and if you go there from Prague you see all of the Alps. They're so high it's glorious, these Alps; if a stone falls down from the top of the Alps it takes so long for it to fall to the bottom that it's all overgrown with moss before it hits the ground. Then from Genoa I wanted to take a ship to Alexandria, in Egypt.

"Genoa is a lovely port, it's so beautiful there that any ship approaching it will move all by itself, even from a long way off. A hundred miles out from Genoa they stop stoking the boilers, the paddle-wheels stop turning and the sails are taken down and the ship just keeps on moving all by itself into Genoa because it's so glad to be there.

"My ship was due to sail at four in the afternoon exactly. At three-fifty I was running down to the harbor when on the way I came across a little girl crying.

"'Little girl,' I said to her, 'why are you crying?'

" 'Waa-aa,' wailed the little girl, 'I've got myself lost!'

" 'Well, if you've got yourself lost you'd better start looking for yourself.'

" 'I've lost my mummy,' wailed the little girl, 'I don't know where she is.'

" 'Why, that's different,' I said. So I took the little girl by the hand and we went to look for her mummy. Guys, it took me an hour, running here and there around Genoa, before we found her ma. And what then? The time was four-fifty. My ship must have sailed long before. Because of that little girl, I thought to myself, I've lost an entire day. Sadly, I went down to the harbor, and I looked, and I saw that my ship was still there. I rushed down to it. 'Now then, Swede,' the captain of the ship said to me, 'you've got here just in time. We would have left you behind a long time ago if our anchor hadn't somehow become caught up on the sea bed, it took us a whole hour before we were able to pull it up.' I don't need to tell you, I was very glad about this. But now, maybe I could eat a pear."

When he had eaten it, he said, "Now that pear was really good. So, we sailed down into the Mediterranean Sea. The Mediterranean Sea is such a beautiful blue color that you can't tell where the sea is and where the sky begins. That's why, all over the ship and on the shore, they had signs saying which way is up and which way is down. People would get confused otherwise. Even so, the captain told us, there was a ship that got things muddled up one day and instead of sailing off into the sea sailed up into the sky; and as the sky goes on forever that ship has never returned and nobody knows where it is. So we sailed across the Mediterranean Sea to Alexandria. Alexandria is a great city because it was founded by Alexander the Great. I sent that telegram from Alexandria so that the magician would think I was bothered about him. But I wasn't bothered about anything at all, I could simply feel that he was everywhere around me. When seagulls or cormorants flew around the ship, or the swift wings of an albatros cut through the air in the distance, I knew that the magician might be among them and travelling with me. When a fish stuck out his eye from the depths of the sea and looked at me, I felt it could be him who was watching me with his own eye. And when the swallows, flying on their way across the sea, set down onto the yardarms of our ship I was nearly certain that that white swallow sitting among them, the one that was the most beautiful of all, was him.

"But when I reached Alexandria I sailed down the holy River Nile to Cairo. The city of Cairo is so enormous that if they hadn't built so many tall and magnificent mosques and minarets there it'd get lost in its own streets. You can see them from so far off that any house, no matter how far off it is, can always use them to tell just where it is. In Cairo I went to bathe in the Nile, because it's so hot there. All I had on me were my swimsuit and my revolver, all my other clothes I'd left on the shore. And then, an enormous crocodile climbed up onto the bank and ate all my clothes and everything that was with them, such as my watch and all my money. So I went up to the crocodile and fired six shots at him from my revolver. But the bullets just bounced off his hide as if it were made of steel. And the crocodile laughed at me out loud. But now, I'll eat a pear."

When he had finished with the pear, Sidney Hall continued with what he had been saying: "Now you all already know that every crocodile can cry and shout just like a small child. That's how they draw people into the water. People think there's a child drowning there and run to help him, and that's when the crocodiles catch those people and eat them. But this crocodile was so old and wise that he'd learned not only to cry like a child but he could also swear like a sailor, sing like a diva and even speak just like a human being. They say he had even taken on the Turkish religion.

"But I was beginning to get a little worried. What was I going to do without any clothes and without any money? Then, all of a sudden, there was a black-skinned Arab standing next to me, and he said to this monster, 'You, crocodile, did you eat this man's clothes and even his watch?'

" 'Yeah!' said the crocodile.

" 'You are a stupid crocodile,' said the Arab, 'that watch had not been wound up. What use to you is a watch that won't go?'

"The crocodile thought about this for a while, and then he said to me, 'You, I'll open my mouth a little; reach

down into my stomach, take the watch out, wind it up, and put it back.'