Self-righteousness is rooted in pride (Pride is arrogance, an inflating with self-conceit). It is an attitude of annoyingly smug self-satisfaction and its objective is to bring pleasure or contentment to self. Self-righteousness says, "I know better than you do," "I am right, you are wrong." It may go along with another, but in a way that is patronizing - "I'll do this your way, but I know my way is better." This causes needless resentment, fighting and pain between yourself and others.
     The Pharisees were self-righteous and Jesus called them hypocrites because though they put on an impressive outward appearance, He knew at heart they were evil. They set their man-made doctrines and traditions above those of God, which effectively told God that they thought they knew more than Him and that their standards were more holy than His. "For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God." Rom.10:3  O the folly of man!
     Man has the mindset that at heart men are basically good. The Bible teaches us the opposite. Rom.3:10-12 says: "There is none righteous, no, not one: there is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God  . . . there is none that doeth good, no not one."  And Prov. 21:2 and 28:26 say: "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts. He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool."  We must truly recognize what we are in our sin nature, "our righteousness is as filthy rags."  We have no righteousness of our own.  We have no holiness of our own. We like to think we do with all our good will acts and pretty speeches. But what are our true motives for these things? Are we truly doing them for God's glory alone? When we serve God it is to be a love offering unto Him. It is to be done with a broken and contrite heart, realizing our inadequacies and dependence on Him. But we love to pretend to ourselves. For when others see our "good works," we get a pat on the back, words of praise or special recognition. Perhaps we display a humble attitude, but inside we are swelling like a peacock.
     Self-righteousness can be very deceptive. Maybe you really do recognize this sin in yourself and long to be rid of it, but with the deceptiveness of our sin nature we are blinded to its depth - "Who can understand his error? Cleanse Thou me from secret faults." You have a loved one who is an unbeliever (or maybe they are a believer). They don't have the spiritual eyes that you do. They don't live according to God's word as you strive to. So many of their actions upset you terribly. But you are trying to be submissive and rest in God's sovereignty. Still their behavior is a thorn in your side and you can't understand why (the behavior doesn't necessarily have to be a really bad thing - often it is just irritating  habits.) What you may not be able to see is that you still have a self-righteous attitude. Inwardly you are still saying, "I know better than you, you are wrong" and that may well be, but that is God's business, not yours. We cannot impose our righteous behavior - meaning our obedience to God - on others, for then we are judging them in a condemning way. "First cast out the beam (log) out of thine own eye: then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote (speck) out of thy brother's eye."
     There is a place for judgment or discernment (def. - perceive or recognize clearly - to form an opinion). For example, we are told to "prove all things and abstain from all appearance of evil."  II Thess. 5:21,22  By measuring all things according to God's word, we must determine those things that are evil and "keep ourselves unspotted from the world." But we are not to use this judgment to condemn others - to declare guilty. This is God's job.
     The best we can do for others in situations like this is to love them without trying to control them, be very aware of our own weaknesses, obey God's precious word to the utmost in our daily walk, pray for them, and "in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves."  II Tim.2:25
     The believer has the precious gift of Christ's righteousness, "the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe." Rom.3:22. We wear His unspotted robe of righteousness and are now acceptable to the Father. We can come before His most holy presence through the Messiah!
     But this is just part of the process, while in standing we have the righteousness of Christ, now begins the process of conforming us to His image - to be holy as He is holy. Now begins the purging, refining and chastising. God opens our eyes to what we really are - depraved sinners and shows us our desperate need of Him. He teaches us through the Holy Spirit to be a holy and righteous people - with the Messiah as our shining example. Remember, in all His perfection, He was always a humble servant. There was never an attitude of superiority - even though He is in every way. Please read through Matt. 5 and 6 -  Jesus' sermon on the mount.
     A self-righteous person does not allow themselves to be spoken against. A self-righteous person is not willing to suffer for another's sake - especially for someone that has wronged them. Think about this for a moment. A loved one spends a great deal of money on a destructive habit or an expensive toy. You think that money should have been used for family needs. Perhaps the family is suffering as a result of this. It isn't fair is it? It isn't right. But it is the way things are. Our Almighty God is in complete control. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He promises to meet all your needs and He will. It most likely won't be in the way you think it should be and your world may be falling apart, but the bottom line is you are called to trust and rest in Him. Wasn't Jesus willing to suffer for the multitude of our sins? Can we not bear up a little and be willing to suffer for our loved ones? Can we not allow God to purge us of our self-righteous pride? Can we not willingly bear our cross unto the Holy One, Who bore so much for us?
     In my self-righteousness, I stand on my own laurels - my knowledge, my accomplishments, my talents. To be self-righteous is to be unloving, selfish, mean-spirited and ungenerous. All the qualities Jesus spoke of in the beatitude - poor in spirit, meek, merciful, peacemakers, etc, - are the opposite of self righteousness. The degree of self-righteousness varies from person to person of course, but I am finding in myself (much to my shame) that self-righteousness is far more deeply ingrained than I ever thought possible. Please be willing to allow God to work His perfect will in you. Please be willing to be emptied of self, that the fullness of God may dwell in you.  For therein lies perfect freedom and complete happiness.