A Woman’s Place
by Michelle Stace

     Please do not yield to the pressures to work outside your home. Doing so is a perfect recipe for a difficult marriage and family life at best,  for divorce at worst, and is directly against God’s word.
     Please do not yield to the pressure to work outside the home just until children come along. This will become a stronghold and a trap and it is a rare couple that will follow through with their goal. It establishes all the wrong habits and mind sets, which are very difficult to undo. Much time and energy must then be spent in rooting out the leaven. This same time and energy could rather have been spent in spiritual advancement and developing a close home life. The Bible teaches that wives are to stay at home and it does not make a distinction between those with children and those without.
Consider this reflection of who God is and how He has set-up the roles and function of marriage . . . .

Jesus, the Bridegroom, the Husband ~ The believer/church, the bride, the wife.
Jesus, the Leader, Head, Provider ~ Believer, the wife, looks to Him for all, depends on Him for all.
Now if the believer/wife steps out of her role, such as going to work, she becomes the co-provider/leader.
Instead of Christ or husband being the source, the wife/ believer is now relying on
self . . . self righteouseness, self-effort, self-will. etc.
Earthly marriage is to picture the Heavenly marriage and dependence each believer is to have with Christ.

     I’m going to get a little off my main topic for a moment because some will say that their husband wants them to work and they must be submissive to him in this. Beware of using submission in the wrong context as an excuse not to do the things you ought to, as we are each accountable to God. Submission to our husbands is not blind nor ignorant for “we ought to obey God rather than man.”  Here is one little example of blind or ignorant submission. Say my husband wants me to wear tight, see-through t-shirts, short skirts or a bikini swimsuit. If I follow some people's perception of submission to my husband, I would wear this type of clothing. But see how ridiculous this is - I would be directly disobeying God's word about modest dress (Deut.22:5; Isa. 47:2,3; I Cor.14.40; I Tim. 2:9-11), chastity, and causing others to stumble. I would not be manifesting the behavior of a godly women. This kind of misplaced obedience would not draw my husband to God, but would rather draw us both away from God and promote worldliness and lust in my husband. I do not believe God contradicts Himself. It is simply that we do not fully understand how to apply His word in every instance. And there are areas in which the Bible is not clear cut, but gives a principle rather than a rule to follow. Carefully check yourself for a superior or self-righteous attitude when obeying, as this will defeat your whole purpose. A humble, meek, seeking heart God will direct into the fullness of His truth.  Yet how can a wife obey God’s command to stay home and at the same time be submissive to a husband that wants her to work? If you look carefully at the following passages you will see a distinct order of commands - the order is the same in each case and I believe is very important.

1. Titus 2:4-5 “ . . . . that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”  The word “keeper” is translated “stayer.”   Think about that!  Notice also the order in these verses: she is to be sober (wise) -  and godly wisdom is only acquired as we obey His word and yield to the Holy Spirit; she is to love husband and children, be discreet and chaste. These are fruits that God develops in a seeking woman -  making her into a godly woman -  and which produce the self-sacrifice necessary to give herself wholly to the family - to stay at home and be obedient to her husband. These fruits are listed before obedience to her husband. This is so interesting and here is the reason why! Until one has grown in their relationship to Christ to the point of willing submission, they absolutely cannot truly submit to anyone else. Even if they submit outwardly, inwardly there will be a spirit of resentment and rebellion. But when one has surrendered to God, they recognize His hand in all things, His control of all things.  This is true rest in Him - trust. This is what enables a wife, or anyone else, to place themselves in submission to another. I actually think that being submissive to our husbands in just daily living is one of the hardest things for a wife to do because it involves continual self-denial. When the qualities of soberness, love, discretion, chastity and goodness are developed,  the wife can properly obey her husband in the spirit and context she is meant to. Yes, this takes time. But God works with us right where we are at and we are responsible to obey Him to the best of our understanding at any given moment. The more we follow Him in loving obedience, the more spiritual discernment He gives us.
     The passage also says she is to obey her “own” husband. Working outside the home often involves working for a man, which will usurp obedience to her husband because of the demands the job places on her. Even working for another women presents the same problem and is certainly not a way to justify an outside job.
     The Proverbs 31 woman is sometimes used to justify working out of the home. Yes, this woman was very industrious, but all she did was home based. Notice that she sold her products to the merchants. And it was the merchants who sold to the public.

I Pet.3:1  “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (behavior) of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation (behavior) coupled  with fear.“ A woman living in the fear and reverence of God, which is love and obedience to His word, will manifest chaste or pure behavior. She is living her faith and it is this that will win an ungodly husband in God’s perfect timing. This passage is preceeded by a chapter which is directed to the people of God in general and which exorts them to holy living. It then goes on to specifically address certain people - ex. servants, wives, husbands, all.

Col.3:14,16,18 “And above all these things put on charity (love), which is the bond of perfectness . . . Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom . . . Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”  Here again is the order of love, living by the word, and submission to husband. Obedience to God's word, from a heart of love for Him, is the best gift we can give to another. Why? Because that person will see God through us. Our godly behavior points them to God. Ungodly behavior points to self and shames God. Legalistic or self-righteous behavior does the same and is always found out.

Eph. 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." And again there is at least a chapter or two preceding this verse directed to the Christians in general and exorting them in their walk with Christ. It then goes on to speak to specific groups of people with further exortation.

I Cor.7:14,16 “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the (believing) wife . . . For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?” Our faith, which is manifested by Christ like behavior, is how others are won to God. In other words, a life of loving obedience to our heavenly Father is of primary importance. Faith (belief) = love = obedience - these are interwoven together. Unbelief = enmity to God’s word = disobedience.

     According to l Tim.5:14, the wife is to guide the house while he is making a living to provide for his family. Can she do this effectively if she is away from home? Home is not truly a home if mother/wife isn’t there to warm it and give it her best. God’s natural order for the family is seen in Gen.3:16, l Cor.11:3, Eph.5:23, l Tim.2:12-14. Please dear lady, do not take on a role that was not designed for you. You are not less than your husband, only different. A woman is a nurturer. She is tender and sensitive. These God given traits are by necessity lost in the working world. Society has taught us to cast aside our different natures and roles. These are God’s gifts to us! Do not be so foolish and wicked, as many of us have been, and throw them away. There are few things more beautiful than a truly godly woman.

2. A working  wife destroys what God intended for a man to be and to do. By working she strips away his manhood and promotes laziness and lack of responsibility. l Tim.5:8 says a man is to provide for his own. It goes on to say that if a man fails to do this he has denied (contradicted) the faith and is worse than an infidel (unbeliever). This is extremely serious! This is God’s ordained role for a man. You stumble your husband greatly if you step into his role as provider.

3. A working wife is not under the covering and protection of her husband. By nature a man has a strong sense of protectiveness (if it has been buried by the world's standards, a woman living in her role will bring it back to life again).  This is a wife’s covering (his responsibility for her spiritual welfare is also part of his protection for her). We see an outward example of this in
l Cor. ll.  We also see what can happen to a woman when she goes out from his protection in l Tim.2:12-14 - she falls into sin. A husband loses a large degree of protectiveness when the wife is outside the home, because she is out of his realm of control and exposed to the world.

4. A working mother breaks the mother/child bond because she must harden herself (and her child) in order to leave him each day. This is very very sad. How can a mother whole-heartedly give herself to her baby when she knows in a couple months she will be back at work? She gives over her influence and control of the child’s needs to others which is very wrong because God has entrusted her and her husband with the precious soul of their child. She could not cope with this unnatural separation if she didn’t harden herself to some degree.

5. The well-being of the children are sacrificed for monetary gain and/or independence and/or prestige. I'm sure you have either seen or heard of the numerous studies showing that in most cases, very little to none is gained monetarily by a working wife because of the increased expenses elsewhere.  By necessity the children must go to a public school of some sort (which is another area of discussion!). She is often unable to be on hand when a child is ill, or to attend their activities. And then there is the ongoing problem of finding care for them on their days off, or during the summer, and perhaps leaving them alone for hours on end. Husband and wife need to honestly look at the extra costs involved when working, such as an extra car, insurance, working cloths, babysitter, convience food, to name a few. Then look at the ways in which money can be saved when staying at home. Be willing to sacrifice some of the "things" for the benefit of a close, peaceful, godly family life.

6. ”Quality” not “Quantity” is a lie. How can there be quality time when everyone is in a hurry to go to school/work? When everyone is tired at the end of a long day? When there are so many demands on limited time? Can a few minutes of warmth and talking make-up for a whole day that a child spends under the world’s influence?

     Do you want to be a helper, a support to your husband? A wife best does this by making their home warm and comfortable - a refuge in a chaotic world. A husband looks forward to coming  to a home like this - he looks forward to knowing his wife will be there. It is not inviting to come home to a cold, empty and perhaps messy house. A wife helps and supports her husband by listening to him, offering bits of advice when he seeks it, by encouraging him in his endeavors, by setting time aside to spend with him after a busy day. She does this by being very thrifty and careful with his paycheck - she does not spend money they do not have. Creating homes like this, even in an ideal situation (and how many of us have that?!!!), takes flat hard work. Let us devote our best time and energies into developing godly homes - not leftover fragments of time. I cannot stress enough the importance of a husband and wife fulfilling their God-given roles. (If one spouse is not living as God desires, this does not give excuse for the other spouse to do so.) The family unit as God structured it, pictures who He is and how He functions. When we deviate from His perfect order, there is much needless damage done and the painful consequences effect our children and our children's children.

     I realize there are cases like a single mom, or a wife whose husband is disabled, that make staying at home difficult to impossible. What does this dear lady do in these situations? Ideally in a Christian setting there should be family relations that will step in and help support these dear ladies and their families. The church family is also to give support where needed. These are Biblical commands!  But in our fallen, self-centered world these options aren’t available near often enough. The next options available are either working or government programs. I am very much opposed to most  government programs, but to me the responsibility of family - of raising godly children is absolutely primary. If it means using welfare or other available aids so that I can be at home with my children to teach and raise them, then I would do so. It is an unpleasant choice. Part-time work to help supplement the income can be an option and far better than being gone long hours. I know of a single mom who cleans homes. She takes her children with her. The oldest child helps her and the rest of the children do their school work and are checked periodically. It is tough, but definitely do-able and it promotes a good work ethic in the children. There are others who provide child-care in their homes, which pays well too.
      An aspect that makes a limited income difficult is not being able to give one’s children all the material benefits the world makes us think we must have. But the Bible teaches “having food and raiment, let us be therewith content,” and “better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble within.” God will provide - He promises! He will honor the humble heart that strives to obey His word. He is our Heavenly Father.  Will He not provide what is best for His children? If we can trust  in Him for the salvation of our very souls, can we not trust Him for our daily needs? Yes!  It may not be what you think you need, but trust Him, be at rest in Him, wait on Him. He loves you and He will care for you!
     There is another group of women that often start working outside the home - those whose children are raised. The children may even still be at home but do not need mother’s time and attention. What does this lady do with her time? Yes, there are household cares, but she still has much time on her hands. There is great opportunity for Godly service here. Please pray about this. Take stock of the talents and abilities God has given you. Older women are to teach younger women. Can you have a Bible study in your home for some younger women in your fellowship? Can you help teach them child raising skills or homemaking skills? Can you prepare meals for the sick or elderly, or visit a few in nursing homes? Can you help out some home school mothers by teaching their kids a weekly class for a couple hours - a friend’s mother used to teach our children music once a week. Be creative. I know of a woman who “adopted” a mother with 2 daughters, whose father is in prison. She gives them spiritual support as well as material support. Can you sew? I know of a ministry that provides clothing to needy children. The clothing is sewn and donated. One of the best ministries  we should all do is that of prayer for others. It is so needed and so few are willing to sacrifice the time or make the commitment to do so.
     Pray and patiently wait for God to open a door for you. It is His desire that you serve Him and produce fruit for Him. It is His desire that you do so within the bounds of His word. This gives Him all the glory!
     Then there are young ladies, from say 18 to when they marry. (I know God has called some to be single, but I am not addressing this area and sometimes that isn't manifested until they are a few years older.) This age group is a challenge because it's an "in-between" time. The outside pressures to let your daughter work or go to college are very very strong. After all they must do something - they can't just sit around the house! How will they ever meet anyone? Scripture doesn't speak specifically to these young ladies, but it does in principle. If God has told wives to be keepers at home, does it make sense to send our daughters to college or to outside jobs? What kind of preparation or influence for future homemaking will she be receiving by doing this? There are many productive useful things a daughter can do within the bounds of homelife to fill those "in between" years. For those whose daughters are young,  now is the time to think about, prepare and lay the ground work for that time of life. If you are in the midst of these years, it still isn't too late. Put your heads together and pray - God will make a way for you.
     Homeschooling families go through so much to teach their children at home, only to later send them off to college - into the very system they were trying to keep them out of. Many of us are dropping the ball, losing the vision, at this point. I will say that I think there is room for a young man to attend college in some cases because he is going to be a provider and must earn the living. However it's an excellent idea to exhaust other options first . .  . . is his father self-employed? Can the son learn his trade? What about working for a friend, relative or fellow-Christian? What about apprenticeship to learn a trade? These are things to consider seriously.
      I once read a story about a young woman who went to work cleaning an office facility nights after they closed. She only dealt with 2 or 3 co-workers and didn't have to interact with the public. Seems like a pretty safe place to work doesn't it?  When she began the job, she wore a headcovering, dresses, and was a quiet reserved person. But as time when by changes began to occur. First, the covering came off, then the dresses became shorter, to be eventurally replaced with pants. Her character changed as well - gone was the quiet submission. Now there was a hard look in the eye and a new boldness.
     This story is a sad illustration of what will usually occur when we do not carefully guard our obedience to God's word. I think much the same can be said about attending college. I think most have seen where a carefully brought up home-schooled child suddenly did a reversal after attending college for awhile. It is tragic.
     The other snare is that of money. If a young engaged couple are planning on marriage and money is tight, how easy it is for the young lady to continue working, if she has begun to do so,  in order to make things "easier" financially. How much harder to quit at the time of marriage and fully trust in God's provision? This is a huge encouragement for them to rely on their own strength and wisdom instead of God's - what a way to start a marriage!
     Please keep in mind that I am speaking in a general sense - there are exceptions. I realize that not all have known the best road to take for their child (me especially), and not all have the leadership and support from their spouse to guide their child correctly.  But God graciously works in the lives of our children in spite of this. He keeps His own and works good in the mist of our mistakes and trials. You can't change the past mistakes, nor perhaps make changes in the current circumstances of your child, but if you have made mistakes, you can gently, humbly confess this to your child. Explain your past ignorance and mistakes as much as you are able (without coming down on your spouse) and explain what God's word says about their current situation. Try to graciously accept it if your child will not make any changes. Love them and try not to let any walls of dissension come between you. You have done the best you can by seeing and confessing your error. Walk in your new light and let God do the work He needs to in the life of your child. Please guard your daughters. Pray for them. Seek God's face. He will provide usefull tasks for her during this time if you will wait on Him instead of panicing and listening to the voice of the world. There is always hope in our precious Savior!


For a complimentary article, please read "Femininity vs Feminism".


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